Chapter 1: Who's Really in Charge?

In a curious twist of events, body language expert Sandra Hull claims that Prince Harry is under the thumb of his American spouse. According to her, the Duke of Sussex is not only being “hen-pecked” but is also in dire need of asserting himself. Recently, the couple has shown solidarity with Ukraine, yet Hull suggests that tensions linger within their household.

“Harry seems frightened and perhaps a bit resentful of his wife,” Hull stated.

However, her analysis was marred by her own erratic hand movements and what appeared to be signs of hyperventilation.

Who to Trust?

Another body language analyst, hired by Harry and Meghan's representation, Creative Artists, presented a different perspective on Hull’s assessment.

“Sandra Hull is not being truthful,” asserted Alfred Hallmark, who boasts a PhD in body language from Santa Monica College of Metaphysics. “Her hand gestures and nervous demeanor indicate uncertainty about her claims,” he explained. “Those exaggerated eyebrow movements suggest she’s trying too hard to portray authority, but her body language reveals her ignorance.”

The Limitations of Body Language Analysis

“It’s more of an intuitive art than a science,” Hallmark admitted. “You can only dissect a handful of observable traits, such as posture or eye movement. This limited scope often leads to speculative conclusions, which is precisely what Hull is doing.”

In a twist, we consulted our own body language expert, Misseur Le Coq, a French specialist in movement and gesture, to scrutinize Hallmark’s critique of Hull.

“Both Hallmark and Hull are misleading,” declared Le Coq. “Neither truly understands the emotions or thoughts of Harry and Meghan. Their darting eyes, clenched fists, and restless movements suggest they’re simply floundering in an effort to appear knowledgeable.”

The Dance of Deception: Hull's Pirouette

“Her pirouette indicates a case of hysterical narcissism disorder,” Le Coq claimed, referencing his online degree in paranormal psychology alongside his body language credentials.

“But Misseur Le Coq, why are you so animated as you speak? Are you anxious or thrilled?”

“Are you a body language expert too?” he retorted, clearly agitated.

“Yes, I just earned my certification from Body Language Institute Dot Com. Don’t test me!”

“Ah, merde. I must take my leave. Au revoir!”

With all the so-called experts gone, it’s just me, Christine Stevens, left to guide you. And guess what? You’ve stumbled into a sales funnel.

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Oh, I see from your body language that you’re feeling skeptical. Why would you feel that way about me? Let’s make some outlandish promises to ease your doubts. Here’s what you’ll be able to do by the end of the course:

• Decode every gesture from Prince Harry and reveal his innermost thoughts.
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