Meet Jasper, My Beloved Companion

In my early twenties, I unexpectedly found a large puppy at the animal shelter. Not being a dog person, I don't recall why I was even there—it must have been an impulsive decision. They told me he was about three months old, but he was larger than I anticipated. A Great Pyrenees mix, he was a mutt.

As I walked through the kennels, dogs barked and jumped, vying for my attention. I spotted him, momentarily lifting his head before resting it back on his paws. I fell in love instantly, knowing he would come home with me. I had to leave to withdraw $50 from an ATM since I hadn’t brought any money. I still wonder why I was there.

Living in a second-floor apartment, I wasn't allowed to have a dog, but I eventually got caught—something that inevitably happens.

Jasper was a gentle giant, rarely barking or showing excessive excitement. He only licked my face when I asked for a kiss. I think I heard him growl just twice in his life. He had an innate ability to sense my moods, always greeting me with joy but quietly retreating when I was upset. He was my constant companion through various relationships and transitions, remaining gentle and loving.

Jasper adored our walks, and his leash still hangs in my closet. I remember his eager expression every time I reached for it. As he aged, he slowed down like all of us, but his enthusiasm never waned. I am grateful I took him for one last walk that fateful morning.

At nine years old, Jasper faced gastrointestinal issues, leading us to the vet. They discovered a 14-pound tumor on his spleen! Everyone was shocked. After surgery, he returned home a lighter dog. Sadly, the only other time he went under the knife years later, he came home in a small black urn.

I miss my big puppy immensely. Capturing images for this story was bittersweet.

Confronting My Reality

I’ve mentioned before my mindset during the time of my dream. I had been trapped in a hollow relationship for much of my marriage, feeling miserable and alone. As a single parent to a severely mentally ill child, I battled my own mental health issues. It felt as if I had become a ghost in my own home, lost in loneliness and despair. No one seemed to need me.

A book I stumbled upon prompted me to question my life's purpose. What was I meant to do? I was not only lonely but utterly lost, in desperate need of direction and meaning.

My Search for Self

In 2018, a shift occurred. Discontent with myself, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. I approached this quest as an experiment, diving deep into three essential topics: religion, psychology, and philosophy.

I engaged in therapy, completed workbooks, read memoirs, and explored Buddhist philosophies while integrating stoicism. Through introspection and shadow work, I rewired my brain, fostering positive neural pathways and letting go of negative ones. As I studied and learned, I grew more connected to myself and the universe. It was a cosmic awakening.

I became mindful of my surroundings, retraining my thoughts, and in the process, I transformed fundamentally. My perspective shifted; I began to see connections and signs everywhere.

Changing myself was a grueling challenge. Picture a leopard attempting to change its spots. While I evolved, my partner remained skeptical, keeping me at a distance. I had to set aside my pride to remain committed, sacrificing for both our relationship and my own growth.

Despite my hard work, doubts lingered. Had I truly succeeded in my transformation? I felt aligned with my various levels of consciousness, yet uncertainty remained.

In 2022, a significant event occurred: my wallet was stolen at the mall. I came home a different person, devoid of identification. There was a liberating quality in shedding my previous identity. I realized that my reactions to loss indicated successful personal change. This was a revelation.

I revisited a memoir I had started writing years ago, initially halted by feelings of worthlessness. Through my hard work, I had become something worthy of sharing. I began documenting my unique journey of self-discovery, detailing what I learned and experienced. While the theme isn't unique, my story is.

As I began writing, my newfound clarity illuminated my path. The universe was guiding me. However, as I summarized the past twelve years of my marriage, darker memories resurfaced, leading me to question whether I was heading in the right direction. Stress heightened as I engaged in the writing process. I sought guidance from a book coach, who suggested sharing my writings on Medium to build an audience for my book.

However, the challenges of building a subscriber base across multiple platforms consumed my time, leaving little room for the book itself. I still haven't achieved the balance I seek.

With newfound self-awareness, I questioned my direction. Despite my discoveries about life and love, many questions remained unanswered.

My quest began without a specific plan; I followed the path as it unfolded. When one door closed, another opened, leading me deeper into my soul: my dreams.

Exploring the Significance of Dreams

One insightful moment along my journey involved delving into analytical psychology. My husband had been seeing a Jungian psychologist for dream therapy, documenting recurring symbols in his dreams.

Psychology suggests that dreams convey messages through symbols. While a single dream may hold little significance, repeated symbols across dreams can indicate deeper meanings. Most people tend to interpret their dreams literally, overlooking the symbolic aspects.

Symbols encapsulate ideas, thoughts, or memories with meaning. This article doesn’t aim to cover all symbols or present conflicting theories. For now, I'll acknowledge the existence of symbols—both personal and universal—and their role in dream interpretation.

Nothing Happens by Chance

Shortly after my dream, I dropped a symbolism book while entering my bedroom. It landed open to a page on "Transformation." This incident reinforced my belief in synchronicity—everything is interconnected, and occurrences aren’t mere coincidences. I was confronted with transformation in bold letters.

The book discusses the alchemical process of transformation, where base elements are converted into higher states of being—a metaphor for my personal journey.

Interpreting My Dream

Reflecting on the symbols in my dream—the vibrant green, daytime setting, gentle wind, tree, grass, trail, my dog, the cave, and Simple Green—each carries significant meaning.

The path symbolizes my journey toward enlightenment, representing direction amid chaos. The tree signifies regeneration and connection to both the heavens and the earth, while the color green embodies hope and the promise of achieving my goals.

The appearance of Jasper represents guidance through the interplay of light and darkness within me, urging me to embrace my passion for writing. The cave symbolizes a passage between life and death, a space for rebirth and transformation.

The color white, representing new beginnings and renewal, resonates deeply with my journey, signifying the illumination of my true self.

Finding My Missing Self

My dream resonated within me, evoking tears and chills. I had felt increasingly lifeless as I relinquished control to external forces, yearning to be seen and loved.

Often, our dreams demand sacrifice. I dedicated myself to this search, understanding that the answer was straightforward: resolve the issues at hand and heal myself. In doing so, I healed our relationship as well.

My missing piece was me.

My purpose is to live, love, laugh, and passionately write about it, inspiring and lifting others. The universe affirmed that I was on the right path and that I had rediscovered myself. I had integrated my shadow and aligned my psyche with the universe.

Embrace Your Journey

It’s natural to question life’s purpose. However, answers won’t simply materialize. Anything worth having requires effort. If you seek your purpose, begin that journey. You may uncover far more than you expect, especially your true self.

The universe remains ever-present. When it speaks, will you listen?

Your Call to Action

How did you know when you found your purpose? Are you unsure where to start? These questions often arise on our journeys. If you're willing to embark on this quest, I assure you that the path will unfold before you. Explore each door until you find the hidden one—the answers await within the deepest sanctum of your soul.

Thank you for taking this journey with me.