Chapter 1: The Awakening

Life possesses a remarkable ability to guide us toward our aspirations. All it requires is our willingness to listen. If we fail to heed its call, it will find ways to illuminate our path.

For many years, I struggled to see the truth. My harsh inner critic, whom I refer to as Linda, kept me trapped in negativity. I often believed I was fundamentally flawed and wondered why I was unable to understand life like everyone else seemed to.

As a teenager, I sought love and validation in misguided ways. I felt like a misunderstood rebel, yearning for escape from my reality. And for a time, I thought I had found it.

In September 1999, at the age of 20, I departed from my small Ontario hometown to work on cruise ships. This two-year adventure took me to breathtaking locations like Hawaii, Mexico, Alaska, and much of the Caribbean. I encountered incredible individuals and learned that everyone has their own version of "normal."

Working on ships marked my first experience of true freedom. As an extrovert, I thrived on the connections I made and reveled in the stories of others. It was during this time that I met my Dutch husband on our first date in Maui, Hawaii. Though he insists it was merely a shipboard romance, we have now been together for nearly 25 years!

After a long 16-year wait, we finally married in July 2016. Our shared passion for travel has taken us to various places, including Toronto, a small town in Germany, and three cities in the Netherlands, where we currently reside.

However, escaping my inner turmoil proved impossible. Upon moving to the Netherlands in 2005, my inner critic intensified, setting unattainable standards for me. The language barrier compounded my feelings of inadequacy, and I worried that others would see through my façade of perfection.

I spent years in the corporate world, masquerading as someone I wasn't, constantly feeling overwhelmed and insufficient. Yet, I managed to maintain an appearance of having everything under control, all while feeling suffocated by my reality.

Desperate for change, I pursued a degree in Psychology, hoping it would provide clarity. I now chuckle at the thought that my choice of study was yet another attempt to understand myself, which ultimately didn’t work.

Chapter 2: Embracing Life's Challenges

At 31, my husband and I embarked on a challenging journey through infertility, enduring nearly six grueling years and the heartbreaking loss of five pregnancies. Ironically, this painful period marked the beginning of my healing.

With each loss, I learned the painful truth: I cannot control everything. It was as though the Universe was finally revealing to me the lessons I had previously ignored.

At 35, amidst the infertility struggle, I returned to school for a Master’s in Health and Social Psychology. While my perfectionist tendencies still lingered, the decision to study was entirely mine. I also earned certificates in Nutritional Psychology and Food, Nutrition, and Health.

Through my education, I discovered self-compassion, meditation, and journaling—powerful tools that helped me uncover deeper layers of myself. I sought coaching to address my challenges, which proved to be transformative, differing significantly from traditional therapy.

My thirst for knowledge drove me to consume self-help resources voraciously. I came to realize that you don’t need prestigious degrees to be whole, but they certainly guided my growth.

Chapter 3: New Beginnings

So much has changed in just a few years. At ages 37 and 38, I welcomed my miracle babies, Cayden (5) and Ella (4), who have taught me the true meaning of love.

I experienced a healthy pregnancy with my son in 2016 and even wore heels throughout! As a mother, I strive to ensure that my past does not dictate my children's future. While I sometimes falter, I believe they are turning out wonderfully.

In 2017, I left the corporate world to embark on a journey of self-exploration. Initially, I was unsure of my path, but I knew I wanted to support others, particularly women. After grappling with an existential crisis at 39, I turned 40, survived, and began living authentically from my heart rather than my head.

My inner critic still attempts to keep me within my comfort zone, but I no longer allow her to dictate my life.

At 41, I became a certified Life Coach and launched my business during a pandemic, empowering women—especially mothers—to understand that life doesn’t end at 40; it marks the start of a new, exciting chapter.

I’ve embraced writing as a way to share my journey. Recently, I began publishing my thoughts on Medium, covering topics like inner criticism, perfectionism, life lessons, and parenting. I also host a podcast called "Mama Needs More," dedicated to helping mothers find fulfillment beyond motherhood.

The journey to motherhood was something I worked hard for, yet I found joy in the idea of supporting other mothers in their own journeys. Despite the bumps along the way, I cherish my evolution. I no longer see myself as broken; rather, I am a whole person continually evolving.

I am filled with gratitude for the path I have traveled and the challenges I have overcome. Thank you for taking the time to read my story—I look forward to connecting with you and hearing your own journey!