Chapter 1: The Holiday Dilemma

Choosing which family members to celebrate the holidays with can be a tough decision, often leaving someone feeling overlooked.

In our family, we are scattered across the country. We have two children in Maine, whose in-laws reside in New Hampshire and Massachusetts, a child in Colorado with in-laws near Buffalo, and we live just north of New York City. As a result, no one is coming to visit us during the holidays. Initially, this situation was painful for me, as I was always the one who hosted holiday celebrations, pouring my heart into creating a memorable experience for everyone. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle, the cooking, the early morning trips to NYC for the Thanksgiving Parade, and even the minor disagreements around the Christmas tree and menorah. However, as our children settled down and got married, our gatherings dwindled, ultimately leading us to zero celebrations at our home.

When I expressed my feelings of sadness about this change to a friend, she replied, “Are you crazy?! Now you can visit them, let them handle all the preparations, and return to your peaceful home afterward.” Although I’ve started to accept this new reality, I still find myself longing for the past just a bit. It's a common theme in life—realizing that your mother felt the same way and that someday, your kids will too.

Section 1.1: New Challenges on the Horizon

Last Thanksgiving, we all gathered at one daughter’s home, and Christmas was celebrated at the other daughter’s house. It was a truly wonderful experience filled with love and warmth. Our grandchildren enjoyed the company of four out of six grandparents, both great-grandmothers, and all their aunts and uncles—it was a heartwarming reunion.

This year, however, things shifted. One daughter spent Thanksgiving with her in-laws, while we visited the other daughter, and our son hosted a Friendsgiving. He and his wife, who recently purchased a home in Colorado, also announced they are expecting a baby in the spring. Consequently, my husband and I plan to spend Christmas with them, hoping for a family gathering, but it seems unlikely. For the first time, I will miss Christmas with our grandchildren, which breaks my heart, but I am learning to accept it.

Section 1.2: A Common Family Issue

In my experience, very few families maintain close proximity across generations, celebrating every holiday, birthday, and Sunday together. Most of our friends and family face similar dilemmas during holidays. I believe this situation could be a significant area of focus for therapists—helping individuals navigate the emotional turmoil of choosing which family members to spend time with during significant occasions. This decision can lead to feelings of heartbreak, resentment, sadness, and loneliness, compounded by guilt that accumulates as each holiday approaches.

There isn’t a simple solution. If I were to insist on hosting everyone, it would include in-laws, step-parents, siblings, and distant relatives, which is simply unmanageable given our family’s growth and the geographic distance between us. Instead, we’ve decided to celebrate Hanukkah with my mother at her senior center and then head to Colorado with my son’s mother-in-law, who is also leaving her own family to join us for Christmas.

All I can say is, thank goodness for technology like FaceTime.

Chapter 2: Coping Strategies for Holiday Challenges

This video titled "How to avoid common holiday stressors" provides insights and strategies for managing the emotional complexities of holiday family gatherings. It offers practical advice on how to minimize stress and focus on what truly matters during the festive season.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, you might also like this fictional story. Don’t forget to check out my novels!

The Yellow Balloon

A touching mother-daughter narrative that may resonate with you.

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