The Eye-Opening Passage

“The human being goes through the present blindfolded. He can only intuit and guess what he is living. And then, when the blindfold is removed, he can look into the past and see what he has lived through and what its meaning was.” — Milan Kundera.

As Steve Jobs articulated, “The dots in your life only connect when you look back.” What is truly unsettling, however, is the notion of our collective blindness to the present. What we once believed to be correct two decades ago may now be considered misguided—perhaps even reprehensible. Take smoking, for instance; during my university years, it was common to smoke during lengthy exams. Today, such behavior would likely lead to severe consequences.

This phenomenon isn’t limited to societal shifts; it resonates on an individual level, as Kundera notes, “The individual life of human beings imitates the history of human beings.” Let’s delve a bit deeper into our pasts.

Reflecting on My Twenties

In my twenties, back in the 2000s, I believed life revolved around accumulating wealth, purchasing a home, raising children, and embodying the American dream. Back then, I thought the end justified the means. Now, at 41, I realize two things: firstly, that the end does not justify the means, and secondly, that the dreams sold to us through commercials are not what our hearts truly desire.

I also recognize that two decades ago, I had a victim mentality, believing the world owed me a great deal. I assigned blame for my circumstances to various factors: my parents' divorce impacted my financial struggles; the bullying I faced bred distrust; and a lack of affection from my father and a busy mother served as an excuse for my infidelities. I convinced myself that I was merely seeking the love I felt I was owed since childhood.

Fast forward to today, and I’m embarrassed to reflect on that version of myself.

Moving Forward

Currently, I feel I've evolved. I no longer hold my parents accountable for my choices, nor do I judge my friends based on past grievances. I've learned to take responsibility for my actions, and I no longer seek validation from others. I understand that some will support you while others will not, and that’s perfectly acceptable.

Yet, I’m aware that in another two decades, I may again feel shame when reflecting on parts of my personality or life that seem acceptable today.

The Most Disturbing Realization

From Kundera’s quote, it’s evident that while the present is where life unfolds, true understanding can only come from looking back. This realization is frightening; what we perceive as a success today could turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes of our lives when viewed in hindsight. Perhaps the partner who currently brings you joy will eventually lead to heartache, or a dream job may devolve into a soul-draining routine.

In essence, while we often make decisions based on perceived probabilities of success, there are no guarantees that any situation will turn out favorably. What seems like a positive outcome today could transform into a nightmare over time.

Conclusion

Ultimately, I’ve come to understand that there are no absolute right or wrong choices—only decisions. The consequences of those choices can only be evaluated from a future perspective. While this realization may be unsettling, it also brings a certain richness to life. Who knows? The job you dread today might become your passion, or the person you dislike could end up being the love of your life.

Reality is unpredictable, and it is essential to embrace uncertainty and live without fear. There are no certainties or comfort zones; the only constant is change. As Bruce Lee wisely advised, “Be water, my friend.”

Explore 78 insightful quotes from Milan Kundera, the author of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, and reflect on their impact on your life.

Delve into themes of nostalgia and ignorance in Milan Kundera's works, and how they shape our understanding of the past.