The Profound Essence of Love: Insights from a Buddhist Monk
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Chapter 1: A Week of Enlightenment
During my enlightening week spent at a temple, I uncovered some of the most beautiful insights about love.
Living closely with four monks revealed to me just how joyous and light-hearted they were. Despite their profound wisdom, they radiated happiness, constantly sharing laughter and kindness with everyone around them. When I found myself in tears in front of two monks, they enveloped me in compassion and warmth, treating me as though I was part of their family.
This led me to pay special attention when the head monk posed a thought-provoking question: “What is love?” He sat on a modest stage, clad in traditional Tibetan attire, and offered a simple yet profound definition: “True love means wishing for another person’s happiness as fiercely as your own.”
Section 1.1: The Importance of Self-Love
This statement, while straightforward, carries significant implications, particularly regarding self-love. You can only extend love to others as deeply as you desire happiness for yourself. If you struggle with your own happiness, it becomes impossible to genuinely wish for another's joy.
Reflecting on my own journey, I realize that my ability to love others transformed dramatically once I learned to love myself. Previously, my love was often conditional, filled with expectations. I would sometimes burden those I cared for with demands that led to feelings of resentment when they fell short.
Subsection 1.1.1: The Shift in Perspective
Once I embraced self-love, my approach to loving others became more relaxed and nurturing. I now cherish friends even if we don’t communicate often, free from expectations of constant interaction. My sole desire is for their happiness, viewing our friendships as an additional blessing rather than a requirement.
Section 1.2: Understanding Happiness
However, there’s a crucial aspect to consider: you cannot dictate what happiness means for someone else. I have a friend tangled in a difficult relationship. While I see the red flags and would advise her to move on, her definition of happiness involves staying with her partner.
When she seeks my advice, I remind her that I will support her choices, regardless of my personal views. My role is to help her discover what she truly wants, providing a space where she feels understood rather than judged.
Chapter 2: The Journey of True Love
In the enlightening video "Tenzin Palmo Jetsunma - The Difference Between Genuine Love and Attachment," viewers can explore the distinctions between true love and attachments that often complicate relationships.
Additionally, "Buddhism and Love | Ajahn Brahm" delves deeper into the Buddhist perspective on love, further enriching the discussion on selfless affection.
As I continued to reflect, I realized that my love for my friend never comes with strings attached. True love means allowing those we care about to navigate their own paths, trusting their judgment.
A Monk-Approved Exercise in Love
If you are interested in cultivating this kind of love, I recommend a guided meditation I practiced daily at the temple. To begin, sit cross-legged and close your eyes. Visualize someone you love or a group of loved ones. Concentrate on wishing for their happiness—whether it’s to find joy or to maintain the happiness they already possess.
As you focus on this wish, strive to feel the joy that comes from desiring happiness for others.
I often repeated, “I wish you happiness. I want you to pursue your joy unapologetically.” Initially skeptical, I discovered that this practice brought me profound peace and eventually unlocked deeper emotions, leading to tears of joy.
In the end, cultivating true love—where you wish for another’s happiness as fervently as your own—can profoundly transform your life. This love can extend beyond close relationships, impacting how you connect with everyone around you.
So, what constitutes the Buddhist view of true love?
True love encompasses three core principles:
- Wishing for another's happiness as much as your own.
- Fiercely desiring your own happiness.
- Allowing others the freedom to define their happiness.
In the words of my monk, “True love doesn’t keep score or expect reciprocity. It allows others the freedom to choose their path, trusting them to seek their own happiness.”
His joyful smile radiated warmth as he asked, “Isn’t it beautiful?” Indeed, it truly is.
Thank you for joining me on this exploration of love. I would love to hear your thoughts—do you feel this definition captures the essence of love? Has your perspective on love evolved as your self-acceptance has grown?
Farewell from the temple crew! If you seek to enhance your personal growth, consider signing up for my free 5-day email course. I would love to assist you in becoming the best version of yourself.