Old Patterns of Sacrifice

Growing up, I watched my mother consistently prioritize everyone else's needs, believing she had no other choice. That was simply her role as a woman. Despite her sacrifices, she often expressed her frustration through loud outbursts and the constant need for cigarettes. She made it very clear how hard she worked, and it was unacceptable to be idle while she bustled about cleaning and organizing.

I doubt she ever truly experienced happiness, nor did she recognize what brought her joy.

New Perspectives on Self-Care

Today, I remind myself that experiencing joy is crucial for overall happiness. I’ve learned that if I don’t prioritize my own needs—if I don’t practice a healthy level of selfishness—I risk falling into the trap of resentment and self-sacrifice.

Whenever I feel irritated or disconnected, I realize it’s time for me to embrace selfishness.

Recognizing the Importance of Selfishness

Anyone who has achieved creative success understands that a certain degree of selfishness is necessary. Icons like Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, Frida Kahlo, Marie Curie, and Margaret Atwood didn’t reach their heights without knowing when to say no to others and yes to themselves.

I guard my time for writing, brainstorming, researching, and promoting my work. I also take solitary walks to clear my mind and spark inspiration. To an outsider, this may seem quite selfish.

Selfishness vs. Self-Centeredness

Being selfish means prioritizing my own needs and frequently saying no. Self-centeredness, on the other hand, is a milder form of selfishness; it allows me to focus on myself so I can better support others. Both concepts are intertwined—neither can exist without the other.

I often feel frustrated when interruptions disrupt my creative process. I prefer writing in the early morning, when I’m less likely to be disturbed. Occasionally, when I’m deeply engaged in writing, I struggle to give my full attention to others.

As a writer, a significant amount of selfishness is required. I must set and uphold boundaries and be prepared to face disappointment from loved ones when I prioritize my work. I also need to recognize the long-term benefits of putting myself first.

Selfishness as a Pathway to Joy

Engaging in activities that bring me joy, even if they seem self-indulgent, results in internal happiness. When I radiate joy, it becomes infectious, inviting others to share in that positive energy. By cultivating my own joy, I create an atmosphere where others feel free to pursue their own happiness.

Navigating the Ups and Downs

There are moments when I slip into self-sacrifice, forgetting the importance of my joy. When I catch myself reverting to those old patterns, I envision the little girl within me who fears judgment for seeking pleasure. I picture her feeling constrained by outdated beliefs.

The adult me comes to her rescue, unbinding her from those old ideas. I reassure her that she is free to pursue her joy and remind her that her happiness is a gift to others. Embracing my joy dispels negativity and attracts those who want to share in the beauty of life.

So go ahead—release the guilt. Establish your boundaries. Say no to others and yes to yourself. Carve out time for what ignites your passion. Embrace a little selfishness and celebrate the incredible person that you are.